Brother Blue

Brother Blue passed this year and I will miss him. He was an amazing man. During all the years I lived in Cambridge Mass he and his wife tirelessly shared of themselves and their vision. They both wore all blue and the butterfly was his symbolic animal.
A storyteller among many things, he performed in streets, prisons and schools.

Full Moon New Year

Preparing for the New Year by hanging more prayer flags in the tree outside the window in front of the cottage. The first thing you see when you arrive. Welcoming I hope.

This year we shall also hang wishes a la Yoko Ono on the tree in white. She made a beautiful tree in Bergen Norway once with the towns folk. A tree filled with white wishes, or wishes in white tied to the branches.

It is a willow. A goat willow from what I could tell from the tree book I have.
The cats have first row baskets on the sill and can watch the prayer flags and wishes from inside.
It is snowing and it is beautiful. All the fells are white, the sheep are whitish and luckily are given hay to eat.
I am going to put out bird seed for our many neighbours.
On the actual New Years eve we shall be seeing it in with some friends in Bellingham. Ben, the gardener and his parents live on a hill with a view of the North Tyne Valley and they have lovely cats and a dog too. It should be really nice and cosy.
Not so far to drive back home from either!

My booty

I was given some perfect and lovely presents this year!
The catalogue for the huge photography exhibition at the Pompidou in Paris called La Subversion des Images, a book of interviews by Hans Ulrich Obrist, The History of Curating, which is incredibly interesting and stimulating, a Russian film on DVD called Mother and Son by Alexander Sokurov,director of the Russian Ark and The Sun, and Volume One of the Agnes Varda Collection which includes The Gleaners and I-hurrah!
I am reading the Obrist book like a vulture, it is a really good read. he interviews different curators like Harald Szeemann, Lucy Lippard, Pontus Hulten...
Toblerone in a tube and a big one as well to satisfy my sweet tooth, what more could a person ask for?!
We ate salmon cooked in a Swedish way, and Noah made a delicious brunch with smoked salmon the next day, and the cats got turkey!
It is snowing outside and it is warm indoors. Absolutely perfect.

Conserve the green

While I am dreaming I may as well mention the conservatory!
I love plants and have reasonably green fingers. My windowsills are full and often they spill over all over the cottage, mainly because I get shoots to root, and thus keep expanding my collection.
I saw once at Emily Dickinson's house in Amherst, Mass. her conservatory which faced her garden and I loved it! Full of light and the right temp and loads of space for all the plants. I started dreaming that one day I too would have one for my greenery.
So along with the library, the country kitchen and the lounging bathroom I dream of a conservatory. The rest of the rooms I do not need! I can sleep on a chaise longue, the piano is in the kitchen with comfy chairs too!
So I have posted some pics above which I have found and they give me ideas!
Keep dreaming!

To Bathe

I washed my ever longer hair and self today before going out. It is not something I do when it is as cold as it is now, esp with long wet hair and open pores. It feels very vulnerable to the elements. I have been a bit chilly since. My hair takes so long to dry since I do not use a hair dryer.
But I wanted to be clean before X mess eve and going to Hexham to begin the celebration with Noah. We are cooking together tomorrow a leg of lamb and veges, gravy, chestnuts, brussels, minty peas, wow the works! On Christmas Day we celebrate at Sheep Cottage with salmon cooked in a Swedish way and X mas pud, giving gifts and staying warm and cosy.
This year per usual we do not overdo the holiday thang. We eat together, share a few gifts, a fire, serve the cats chicken in front of the fire, a walk, a read, chatting and maybe a game...Very relaxed and that is the way I like it.
It is so beautiful outside with all the white snow, it really adds to the mood and makes it much lighter out.
Only the cats spend too much time indoors because of the cold and they get cottage fever.
Well the X mas wash made me think of bath rooms and it is something I dream of. Apart from the library, and the country kitchen I dream of a bathroom where I could soak in a bath tub for hours!
So I decided to post some inspirational pics.
Light candles and count your blessings.

Lighter and brighter

Every time I pass Stanley I just stop and gaze. What a magnificent flower. Orchids are quite amazing. I never lived with one before and this is such a treat for me. Esp as I cared for it for 4 years not knowing which kind it was and trying to give it the right TLC.
Stanley is in the kitchen with the window that faces north. It overlooks an orchard of trees and the Cooper's farm house.
As we prepare for the holidays, bringing in holly, stacking some logs, enjoying the white snow outside, I am waiting to listen to a radio programme on Li Yuan-chia in the next hour.
I wish you all dear readers a very good holiday break, and do not forget each day from now on will be lighter and brighter.

East Wind

The East wind from Siberia brings snow and cold temperatures too.
Happy Holidays to all creatures large and small.
Mr Bunny is eating green parsley in the garden while the cats are all warm in their baskets on the windowsill.
I shall make hot tea soon and eat a mince pie or two...

Stanley

A few years back when visiting Stanley Kunitz in his NYC apartment I was given a small orchid to take home with me. It was not in flower and needed TLC. Stanley had an extraordinary number of indoor plants, his window was filled with greenery climbing high.
I carried the orchid back carefully to the UK in my hand luggage.
When we got home I found a north facing window in the kitchen and took care of it. Since I did not quite know which kind it was I had to guess about the care. I called the orchid Stanley and I waited. Waited and cared and cared and waited. Now in time for the solstice 4 years later it has a flower! First it was a bud for weeks then each petal opened so slowly I could savour it totally. One amazing flower. Thank you Stanley for teaching me patience.

First Snow

Snow for breakfast, then for elevenses, lunch, tea and supper! I love snow.

Too much to laugh last night

Apparently so. Upon my return from London I had massive chest pains and had to be rushed to the doctors for an ECG!
Apparently I had laughed too much while in London! Go figure.
It was a good trip it really was. I love seeing my bestest friend Paul Martin. I have known him for so long I cannot count the time.
My chest still hurts and so I have very tangible memories from my trip south.

This time of year all I can think is COSY!

Cosy time in cutey-land. Seriously it is true that being cosy is a priority in these dark, chilly wet days of the Northeast.
I think library, warm red, music, computer nearby for work, hot tea or cocoa, purring cats, later in the evening a fire and candles.
I am library obsessed and I have always felt at home in them. I remember as a child sitting on the floor and looking at some of my fathers amazing books. History books mainly, but also art, and archeology and my favourite a tartan book of Robbie Burns!
Noah has that too, he always seeks out the library where he lives and spends time there and utilises it well. Reading all the books in it! Heby,Sweden, L.A., Cambridge, Ma., Hexham, London, NYC,...
We need to support their existence wherever we live.
I have found some pictures of delicious libraries above.

Rainbows and more rainbows

Yesterday was Thanksgiving in the USA. Here where I live in Narnia with its very own climate we had rainbow after rainbow after rainbow. It was one of those days with rain showers and the sun shining through them.
We counted well over ten!
Tarset is the valley of rainbows and it cheers me up greatly whenever they work their magic.

A pale sun tries to make itself known today and I think of the season coming up. We plan to take it easy. A good meal all together over the solstice holiday, candles and a fire in the wood burning stove. I shall decorate with holly from the country lanes. Time to read and talk and be together with all the cats who will get roast chicken!

I like it to be quiet over this time because the rest of the year is quite busy and can get hectic so the contrast is very welcome.
It is a good time for conversation and reflection. Reading the new books, thinking about new projects for the new year.
Turning point when the light increases and so does energy levels...
The plants enjoy the increase of light and warmth through the windows facing south. The bougainvillea may choose to bloom, the cactii, and the nerium/oleander. The Byre is the perfect room for large plants, there is plenty of room and light.

Continued deluge of rain and wind

Never ending it seems, and so I dream away. Dream of summer, dream of the garden, dream of projects, dream of Moomin Valley.
Above is the bathing/boat house where Tooticky hung out in the winter.
In the States they will be celebrating Thanksgiving. There is much to be giving thanks for. I have a notebook for gratitude nearby.

I am thankful that I am still alive. I would not have known all that I know now if I were not. Not known rural life, living with cats, making books, knowing poets up close and personal, missing my friends in the US because I care, meeting new members of my family I never knew existed, praying for my son each and every day, true appreciation from loved ones,...

I do believe we are agents in our own destiny as well as by manifesting we can accomplish direction and opportunity but there is also a great element of chance. Surprise is what I am grateful for because sometimes we cannot even imagine what we need or want.

There are always choices we make , consciously or not. Daily decisions, and it is important to recognise that. I call it my "mouse epiphany". When I was going through upheaval in my life a decade or so ago it was also a time of a great many epiphanies! The "post office queue", the "wedding" one...
Plus someone whom I loved dearly guided me with Rilke's words "You must change your life".
It is true I have made decisions to move away from and to move towards...Often to escape a toxic situation and go towards the unknown...These have been vital. Vital to my survival and still being alive today. For this I give thanks.

Moomin house

Moomin House in Moomin Valley

This is what i am talking about! The famous homestead of the Moomin Troll Family. My hexagonal chicken coop will fit well in I think. Shall have to paint it when the weather gets drier, IF it ever will! The shed is still only half-painted, because of the weather.

Mountain and valley track, the woodie, a roller coaster

You know what I am talking about, and it is often used as a metaphor for states of mind, states of the world etc.
My mood swings can be like that. Worse than a grandfather clock pendulum! At least faster.

The weather is ferocious. Cumbria has been rained upon for so many days now that the bridges are collapsing, towns are getting cut off, high streets flooded including homes and shops, people are homeless, and there have been casualties...

In our neck of the woods, or fells as it may be, has had its fair share of rain and wind, the fields are soggy, the burns are flooded and still it rains.
The three cats sit in their window baskets looking out forlornly. It is tough going.
But of course nothing like what others around the world have suffered.
I count my blessings. One by one. I fill my note book of gratitude.

Twas a stormy day...

...and twas a stormy night and twas another stormy day and I just went Moomin!
I found a hexagonal hen house/chicken coop and just ordered it just like that! It will be here tomorrow!
That is the internet for you, a bit of a challenge for spontaneity buyers like myself!
Still it is a beautiful Moomin paviion of a hen house!

More images from the South West

Totleigh Barton, Devon where the Arvon Foundation run courses, a truly lovely old farmhouse near the river Torridge.


Ammonite pavement in Lyme Regis


Durdle Door in a different light


Sheepwash, where we stayed, was Wickerman village if ever there was one!


Gold Hill with view in Shaftesbury.

From the South West

Lulworth Cove, Dorset


The Cerne Abbas Giant


The Cobb, Lyme Regis, Dorset


Durdle Door, Dorset


Chesil Beach, Dorset

Just returned from a trip to the South West of England where there is much to see and experience. Just like any part of the UK!
I was getting to know new places and becoming re-aquainted with others. The country side is lovely for motoring although the narrow lanes and hedges make it a bit hairy scary at times.
Most of the trip was for filming work but I also managed to visit my Grandmothers' grave in Shaftesbury, Dorset. The view from the little church where she is buried is magnificent. It overlooks hills for miles around.
The counties visited were Somerset, Dorset and Devon.
The photos show some of the highlights.

RIP Jeanne-Claude Christo

Born 13th June 1935 , the same day and date as her husband Christo, Jeanne Claude died on Wednesday 18th November 2009.
She was 74. Cyril Christo their son and Christo her family are in my thoughts and in my heart. Condolences.
A vibrant extraordinary woman, she loved chocolate and jokes, she was a great hostess, tenacious, optimistic, chic, strong, funny, a trooper and a visionary.
She will be sorely missed.
I enjoyed meeting her very much during the times I did over the years and will always remember her fondly with love, admiration and respect.

Back in Tarset, Northunderland

This is what I have in mind for just now! Somewhere warm, sunny, relaxed and healing! It looks perfect.

The truth will set you free.

AXIS MUNDI

Today the 11th day of the 11th month I have had such an extraordinary revelatory experience.
Light is shining in dark corners, doors are opening, perceptions changing, identities revealed and opened...
It is mind-altering and personal history is being re-written as I write this. I will divulge more at a later time when I have more clarity.

But the ripple in still water is there where no pebble tossed nor wind to blow.

I have always believed that the truth will out, and it will, eventually, even if it take a lifetime. Or two.
All this is thanks to my grandmother, Damaris Aubrey, bless you beautiful woman.

Thank you to Mandyleigh and to my sister and brother who joined me in this discovery and to Neil who held my hand.

Becoming a Tree Spirit

The light of mortality

A pale autumn sun, a stillness, a chill in the air, the kind of light that shows up the dust particles in the air and makes me think of mortality. All those dead skin cells. Oxygen is both life and death.
I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and want to take a shower and wash my hair NOW.
Fergus and Luna are sleeping together in one oval shaped basket on the windowsill. They are so still, so beautiful together, mother and son.

This particular unfiltered light is what makes autumn what it is here. No foliage to filter through and play with. Dappled is the word. In spring the light is so bright, not pale like this.
Something peaceful, the faint smell of wood burning, birds feeding, cats sleeping...it is very quiet here.
I open the front door to let in the sun and fresh air. The house robin is almost always there making himself heard and seen. This is his territory. I am flattered that he has chosen Sheep Cottage.

I may well continue to paint the shed today. It seems like a good day for that. The picture above shows the colour of the paint Falu Rødfaerg. It is from Dalarna in Sweden, and it has been used for hundreds of ears to preserve the wood. I like the colour, it is Sweden to me, that and the green and white, houses sitting amongst birches and fir trees.

Later tonight I shall write letters to be posted tomorrow. What a relief the postal strike is over for now.

Noises from the attic

Raining outside tonight, the cats sleeping tight, and suddenly I hear noise from the attic just above me in the sitting room.
Myles looked up startled out of sleep staring at the beamed ceiling.
We listened as we heard little scratchy sounds. There has not been life in the attic since the cats moved in! It must be this spell of chilly wet weather that is bringing life indoors to hibernate.
Let's see how this evolves.

Still contemplating the garden plans. Perhaps it is better to clear it up more first in order to get to see more of the actual structure, the skeleton of it.

This is a good time of year, despite the wet waterlogged ground, for clearing up. The leaves being down show the trees and views better, and the shrubs become more accessible as the tall surrounding growth dies down. Thank goodness I have Ben to help me!

It is also a productive time for me in terms of my work. Next years covers are practically all done and I am writing, translating and reading a lot. Researching a new film project as well! This is how I like to work, several irons in the fire as the expression goes.
Some films are moving at a slower pace, others close to completion and already this year I finished three! It can feel strange having several projects ongoing simultaneously...a split mind...but I rather that than one at the time. It can be so constipating.

Started the plan

Well I found a piece of paper that looked like the garden in shape. Perfect.
Then I drew the fixtures in, e.g. the Byre entrance/exit, the borders, the existing large trees, the directions,...and then I stopped to think. That is where I am still...thinking, dreaming, planning...

This morning we awoke to severe ground frost. It had been a clear moonlit night and Fergus loves those kind. He was out for hours, even missed breakfast! Highly unusual for him.

Heard from my sister that there is snow in Sweden and heard from Francis snow in Berlin and from Karol snow in Poland.

The writing is going really well on Vital Signs. It is bringing up some good issues for me to think through and deal with. This type of writing works for this subject, subjective, in the first person narrative with an analytical descriptive element. I like it , it works for me.

Somehow autumn, and the re-evaluating, reflecting and rememberingt hat takes place is ideal. This is the time for this piece of work. Thank you.

Autumn clearing

Spent some time in the garden clearing up after the big Samhain bonfire. It left a large area cleared and well prepared for next spring. The view over the fells is stupendous from the garden and the Byre, aka as the new room. It will be so good when there is a terrace there in front of the window/door, the view faces west and the sunset.
There is a lot of clearing up to do. Cutting branches that have been damaged by the storms of late, cutting back overgrowth/undergrowth that has run wild.
Decisions regarding where to plant some trees I have waiting to go in. Those have to be made carefully, esp since I am really planting for the future, for many years forward. 40, 50 and more...
The Ash is growing beautifully reaching into the sky next to the three fruit trees in the orchard. Birches, ash, beech, those are the trees in this garden. I am going to plant a ginkgo and a sweet chestnut.
I also need to decide where to put in more soft fruit bushes. These are very challenging decisions and it takes me ages...
Marigolds are still blooming and keep producing more buds- extraordinary flowers. No wonder they were my Mormors favourite.
I think if I draw a plan of the garden it might be easier to decide locations.

Melancholia and nostalgia

Every autumn it is similar in that I become covered in feelings of melancholia and nostalgia like a duvet to shut out the cold.
Duvet day is a good expression. I also have robe days.
It is already getting dark and it is only 3pm, the sun set colours are warm and I look forward to the imminent moonrise.
It is mild for the season but also very rainy. This time last year we had had serious frost by now and snow in October.
Melancholia is not as transparent as nostalgia for me. I think of kicking leaves in different locales where my life took place.
Warsaw, Stockholm, Cambridge, Basel,...a stage set in a sense for the drama of this particular life to play out. A comedy or a tragedy or...

Melancholia is expressed in the desire to hibernate to check out from the dark time. Energy levels are lower. Slowing down, and more indoor activities take over. Writing and reading and thinking.

I also imagine an orangery where I can put all my plants and place a tub for lounging/soaking in under the sun. In my dream it will be added to the back of the cottage and very private. I will have my lemon trees, oleander, geraniums, succulents, jasmine in there and it will be like a piece of heaven during the cold, dark winter months.

Full Moon and mammogram

Days and nights of rain, flood warnings in Wales, and the South West. The moon rising during the sunset-magical.

Mammogram made me think of colours. I was in a trailer in a parking lot outside Waitrose in Hexham. An NHS wandering clinic...6 mins per woman a true conveyor belt. In and then out. Done.

I thought about colours. Colours for the bathroom and kitchen to cheer me up during these dark times. 6 months of darkness as I say. Two seasons here: winter and not winter.

Some ideas above that inspire me in these photos. In each pic is an element I would draw from. I like the terracotta pots for lamps! The colourful aestethic mess. The welcoming and calming aspect of the colours chosen. My kitchen is very small, a true cottage kitchen. it has a sloping ceiling, a boiler takes up space, an icebox, a small powerful stove/cooker, not enough shelving or storage or prep area...A pantry would be nice. Nesting dreams on a dark autumn night after a day of some stress.

Beautiful photos

Pagan rituals thanks to Willow Gray.

Our Samhain Bonfire

Sometimes the photos come out really tiny. I don't know why. But the fire was hot and huge and lasted all day into the night.

Autumnal feelings

Sternen. The Star. This is the Inn where we would go on special occasions to eat røsti and spiegeleier and drink apfelwein.


A view of Worb with the church in the foreground and the castle behind Schloss Worb.


This is an old archival photo of Worb.


A panorama of Worb we could see when we went for walks.

Melancholy and nostalgia are feelings which take over me in autumn time.
I used to walk in Stockholm in some of my favourite parks kicking leaves and daydreaming. Counting the days, till I could be free.
Birches are plentiful in Sweden. They touch me with their long pale limbs.
Once in Warsaw in the autumn I was in a park with a statue of Chopin, this is a vivid memory. Hearing Polish and listening in. Drinking in a Dairy bar a glass of cream! Imagine.
Living i Switzerland and going for long walks in the countryside. Worb was a place I loved living, it was on a traditional farm that had a cottage/støckli. It was adorable, cosy and heated with a kakelofen. The view was over a cherry orchard and hens pecking about the grass.
Hazelnut bush next to the veranda, a pig and cows with bells. Just below us in the garden were goats. It was wonderful. It is one of my favourite places of all time.